A book is the work of a mind, doing its work in the way that a mind deems
best.  That's dangerous.  Is the work of some mere individual mind likely to
serve the aims of collectively accepted compromises, which are known in the
schools as 'standards'?  Any mind that would audaciously put itself forth to
work all alone is surely a bad example for the students, and probably, if
not downright antisocial, at least a little off-center, self-indulgent,
elitist.  ... It's just good pedagogy, therefore, to stay away from such
stuff, and use instead, if film-strips and rap-sessions must be
supplemented, 'texts,' selected, or prepared, or adapted, by real
professionals.  Those texts are called 'reading material.'  They are the
academic equivalent of the 'listening material' that fills waiting-rooms,
and the 'eating material' that you can buy in thousands of convenient eating
resource centers along the roads.
		-- The Underground Grammarian
%
A definition of teaching: casting fake pearls before real swine.
		-- Bill Cain, "Stand Up Tragedy"
%
A fool's brain digests philosophy into folly, science into superstition, and
art into pedantry.  Hence University education.
		-- G. B. Shaw
%
A good question is never answered.  It is not a bolt to be tightened
into place but a seed to be planted and to bear more seed toward the
hope of greening the landscape of idea.
		-- John Ciardi
%
A grammarian's life is always in tense.
%
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely
rearranging their prejudices.
		-- William James
%
A mother mouse was taking her large brood for a stroll across the kitchen
floor one day when the local cat, by a feat of stealth unusual even for
its species, managed to trap them in a corner.  The children cowered,
terrified by this fearsome beast, plaintively crying, "Help, Mother!
Save us!  Save us!  We're scared, Mother!"
	Mother Mouse, with the hopeless valor of a parent protecting its
children, turned with her teeth bared to the cat, towering huge above them,
and suddenly began to bark in a fashion that would have done any Doberman
proud.  The startled cat fled in fear for its life.
	As her grateful offspring flocked around her shouting "Oh, Mother,
you saved us!" and "Yay!  You scared the cat away!" she turned to them
purposefully and declared, "You see how useful it is to know a second
language?"
%
A Parable of Modern Research:

	Bob has lost his keys in a room which is dark except for one
brightly lit corner.
	"Why are you looking under the light, you lost them in the dark!"
	"I can only see here."
%
A pencil with no point needs no eraser.
%
	 A Plan for the Improvement of English Spelling
			  by Mark Twain

	For example, in Year 1 that useless letter "c" would be dropped
to be replased either by "k" or "s", and likewise "x" would no longer
be part of the alphabet.  The only kase in which "c" would be retained
would be the "ch" formation, which will be dealt with later.  Year 2
might reform "w" spelling, so that "which" and "one" would take the
same konsonant, wile Year 3 might well abolish "y" replasing it with
"i" and Iear 4 might fiks the "g/j" anomali wonse and for all.
	Jenerally, then, the improvement would kontinue iear bai iear
with Iear 5 doing awai with useless double konsonants, and Iears 6-12
or so modifaiing vowlz and the rimeining voist and unvoist konsonants.
Bai Iear 15 or sou, it wud fainali bi posibl tu meik ius ov thi
ridandant letez "c", "y" and "x" -- bai now jast a memori in the maindz
ov ould doderez -- tu riplais "ch", "sh", and "th" rispektivli.
	Fainali, xen, aafte sam 20 iers ov orxogrefkl riform, wi wud
hev a lojikl, kohirnt speling in ius xrewawt xe Ingliy-spiking werld.
%
A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
%
	A reader reports that when the patient died, the attending doctor
recorded the following on the patient's chart:  "Patient failed to fulfill
his wellness potential."
	Another doctor reports that in a recent issue of the *American Journal
of Family Practice* fleas were called "hematophagous arthropod vectors."
	A reader reports that the Army calls them "vertically deployed anti-
personnel devices."  You probably call them bombs.
	At McClellan Air Force base in Sacramento, California, civilian
mechanics were placed on "non-duty, non-pay status."  That is, they were fired.
	After taking the trip of a lifetime, our reader sent his twelve rolls
of film to Kodak for developing (or "processing," as Kodak likes to call it)
only to receive the following notice:  "We must report that during the handling
of your twelve 35mm Kodachrome slide orders, the films were involved in an
unusual laboratory experience."  The use of the passive is a particularly nice
touch, don't you think?  Nobody did anything to the films; they just had a bad
experience.  Of course our reader can always go back to Tibet and take his 
pictures all over again, using the twelve replacement rolls Kodak so generously
sent him.
		-- Quarterly Review of Doublespeak (NCTE)
%
A student who changes the course of history is probably taking an exam.
%
A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the word you first
thought of.
		-- Burt Bacharach
%
A tautology is a thing which is tautological.
%
A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest
in students.
		-- John Ciardi
%
"A University without students is like an ointment without a fly."
	-- Ed Nather, professor of astronomy at UT Austin
%
About all some men accomplish in life is to send a son to Harvard.
%
Abstract:
	This study examined the incidence of neckwear tightness among a group
of 94 white-collar working men and the effect of a tight business-shirt collar
and tie on the visual performance of 22 male subjects.  Of the white-collar
men measured, 67% were found to be wearing neckwear that was tighter than
their neck circumference.  The visual discrimination of the 22 subjects was
evaluated using a critical flicker frequency (CFF) test.  Results of the CFF
test indicated that tight neckwear significantly decreased the visual
performance of the subjects and that visual performance did not improve
immediately when tight neckwear was removed.
		-- Langan, L.M. and Watkins, S.M. "Pressure of Menswear on the
		   Neck in Relation to Visual Performance."  Human Factors 29,
		   #1 (Feb. 1987), pp. 67-71.
%
Academic politics is the most vicious and bitter form of politics,
because the stakes are so low.
		-- Wallace Sayre
%
Academicians care, that's who.
%
=============== ALL FRESHMEN PLEASE NOTE ===============

To minimize scheduling confusion, please realize that if you are taking one
course which is offered at only one time on a given day, and another which is
offered at all times on that day, the second class will be arranged as to 
afford maximum inconvenience to the student.  For example, if you happen
to work on campus, you will have 1-2 hours between classes.  If you commute,
there will be a minimum of 6 hours between the two classes.
%
An investment in knowledge always pays the best interest.
		-- Benjamin Franklin
%
Any two philosophers can tell each other all they know in two hours.
		-- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
%
As Gen. de Gaulle occassionally acknowledges America to be the daughter
of Europe, so I am pleased to come to Yale, the daughter of Harvard.
		-- J.F. Kennedy
%
As long as the answer is right, who cares if the question is wrong?
%
Briefly stated, the findings are that when presented with an array of
data or a sequence of events in which they are instructed to discover
an underlying order, subjects show strong tendencies to perceive order
and causality in random arrays, to perceive a pattern or correlation
which seems a priori intuitively correct even when the actual correlation
in the data is counterintuitive, to jump to conclusions about the correct
hypothesis, to seek and to use only positive or confirmatory evidence, to
construe evidence liberally as confirmatory, to fail to generate or to
assess alternative hypotheses, and having thus managed to expose themselves
only to confirmatory instances, to be fallaciously confident of the validity
of their judgments (Jahoda, 1969; Einhorn and Hogarth, 1978).  In the
analyzing of past events, these tendencies are exacerbated by failure to
appreciate the pitfalls of post hoc analyses.
		-- A. Benjamin
%
British education is probably the best in the world, if you can survive
it.  If you can't there is nothing left for you but the diplomatic corps.
		-- Peter Ustinov
%
... But if we laugh with derision, we will never understand.  Human
intellectual capacity has not altered for thousands of years so far as
we can tell.  If intelligent people invested intense energy in issues
that now seem foolish to us, then the failure lies in our understanding
of their world, not in their distorted perceptions.  Even the standard
example of ancient nonsense -- the debate about angels on pinheads --
makes sense once you realize that theologians were not discussing
whether five or eighteen would fit, but whether a pin could house a
finite or an infinite number.
		-- S. J. Gould, "Wide Hats and Narrow Minds"
%
Campus sidewalks never exist as the straightest line between two points.
		-- M. M. Johnston
%
Comparing information and knowledge is like asking whether the fatness
of a pig is more or less green than the designated hitter rule."
		-- David Guaspari
%
Dear Freshman,
	You don't know who I am and frankly shouldn't care, but
unknown to you we have something in common.  We are both rather
prone to mistakes.  I was elected Student Government President by
mistake, and you came to school here by mistake.
%
Dear Miss Manners:
	My home economics teacher says that one must never place one's
elbows on the table.  However, I have read that one elbow, in between
courses, is all right.  Which is correct?

Gentle Reader:
	For the purpose of answering examinations in your home economics
class, your teacher is correct.  Catching on to this principle of
education may be of even greater importance to you now than learning
correct current table manners, vital as Miss Manners believes that is.
%
Department chairmen never die, they just lose their faculties.
%
Did you know the University of Iowa closed down after someone stole the book?
%
Do not clog intellect's sluices with bits of knowledge of questionable uses.
%
Do you know the difference between education and experience?  Education
is what you get when you read the fine print; experience is what you get
when you don't.
		-- Pete Seeger
%
Do you think that illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
%
Education and religion are two things not regulated by supply and
demand.  The less of either the people have, the less they want.
		-- Charlotte Observer, 1897
%
Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to
time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught.
		-- Oscar Wilde, "The Critic as Artist"
%
Education is learning what you didn't even know you didn't know.
		-- Daniel J. Boorstin
%
Education is the process of casting false pearls before real swine.
		-- Irwin Edman
%
Education is what survives when t cruieform "w" spelling, so that "which" and "one" would take the
same konsonant, wile Year 3 might well abolish "y" replasing it with
"i" and Iear 4 might fiks the "g/j" anomali wonse and for all.
	Jenerally, then, the improvement would kontinue iear bai iear
with Iear 5 doing awai with useless double konsonants, and Iears 6-12
or so modifaiing vowlz and the rimeining voist and unvoist konsonants.
Bai Iear 15 or sou, it wud fainali bi posibl tu meik ius ov thi
ridandant letez "c", "y" and "x" -- bai now jast a memori in the maindz
ov ould doderez -- tu riplais "ch", "sh", and "th" rispektivli.
	Fainali, xen, aafte sam 20 iers ov orxogrefkl riform, wi wud
hev a lojikl, kohirnt speling in ius xrewawt xe Ingliy-spiking werld.
%
A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
%
	A reader reports that when the patient died, the attending doctor
recorded the following on the patient's chart:  "Patient failed to fulfill
his wellness potential."
	Another doctor reports that in a recent issue of the *American Journal
of Family Practice* fleas were called "hematophagous arthropod vectors."
	A reader reports that the Army calls them "vertically deployed anti-
personnel devices."  You probably call them bombs.
	At McClellan Air Force base in Sacramento, California, civilian
mechanics were placed on "non-duty, non-pay status."  That is, they were fired.
	After taking the trip of a lifetime, our reader sent his twelve rolls
of film to Kodak for developing (or "processing," as Kodak likes to call it)
only to receive the following notice:  "We must report that during the handling
of your twelve 35mm Kodachrome slide orders, the films were involved in an
unusual laboratory experience."  The use of the passive is a particularly nice
touch, don't you think?  Nobody did anything to the films; they just had a bad
experience.  Of course our reader can always go back to Tibet and take his 
pictures all over again, using the twelve replacement rolls Kodak so generously
sent him.
		-- Quarterly Review of Doublespeak (NCTE)
%
A student who changes the course of history is probably taking an exam.
%
A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the word you first
thought of.
		-- Burt Bacharach
%
A tautology is a thing which is tautological.
%
A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest
in students.
		-- John Ciardi
%
"A University without students is like an ointment without a fly."
	-- Ed Nather, professor of astronomy at UT Austin
%
About all some men accomplish in life is to send a son to Harvard.
%
Abstract:
	This study examined the incidence of neckwear tightness among a group
of 94 white-collar working men and the effect of a tight business-shirt collar
and tie on the visual performance of 22 male subjects.  Of the white-collar
men measured, 67% were found to be wearing neckwear that was tighter than
their neck circumference.  The visual discrimination of the 22 subjects was
evaluated using a critical flicker frequency (CFF) test.  Results of the CFF
test indicated that tight neckwear significantly decreased the visual
performance of the subjects and that visual performance did not improve
immediately when tight neckwear was removed.
		-- Langan, L.M. and Watkins, S.M. "Pressure of Menswear on the
		   Neck in Relation to Visual Performance."  Human Factors 29,
		   #1 (Feb. 1987), pp. 67-71.
%
Academic politics is the most vicious and bitter form of politics,
because the stakes are so low.
		-- Wallace Sayre
%
Academicians care, that's who.
%
=============== ALL FRESHMEN PLEASE NOTE ===============

To minimize scheduling confusion, please realize that if you are taking one
course which is offered at only one time on a given day, and another which is
offered at all times on that day, the second class will be arranged as to 
afford maximum inconvenience to the student.  For example, if you happen
to work on campus, you will have 1-2 hours between classes.  If you commute,
there will be a minimum of 6 hours between the two classes.
%
An investment in knowledge always pays the best interest.
		-- Benjamin Franklin
%
Any two philosophers can tell each other all they know in two hours.
		-- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
%
As Gen. de Gaulle occassionally acknowledges America to be the daughter
of Europe, so I am pleased to come to Yale, the daughter of Harvard.
		-- J.F. Kennedy
%
As long as the answer is right, who cares if the question is wrong?
%
Briefly stated, the findings are that when presented with an array of
data or a sequence of events in which they are instructed to discover
an underlying order, subjects show strong tendencies to perceive order
and causality in random arrays, to perceive a pattern or correlation
which seems a priori intuitively correct even when the actual correlation
in the data is counterintuitive, to jump to conclusions about the correct
hypothesis, to seek and to use only positive or confirmatory evidence, to
construe evidence liberally as confirmatory, to fail to generate or to
assess alternative hypotheses, and having thus managed to expose themselves
only to confirmatory instances, to be fallaciously confident of the validity
of their judgments (Jahoda, 1969; Einhorn and Hogarth, 1978).  In the
analyzing of past events, these tendencies are exacerbated by failure to
appreciate the pitfalls of post hoc analyses.
		-- A. Benjamin
%
British education is probably the best in the world, if you can survive
it.  If you can't there is nothing left for you but the diplomatic corps.
		-- Peter Ustinov
%
... But if we laugh with derision, we will never understand.  Human
intellectual capacity has not altered for thousands of years so far as
we can tell.  If intelligent people invested intense energy in issues
that now seem foolish to us, then the failure lies in our understanding
of their world, not in their distorted perceptions.  Even the standard
example of ancient nonsense -- the debate about angels on pinheads --
makes sense once you realize that theologians were not discussing
whether five or eighteen would fit, but whether a pin could house a
finite or an infinite number.
		-- S. J. Gould, "Wide Hats and Narrow Minds"
%
Campus sidewalks never exist as the straightest line between two points.
		-- M. M. Johnston
%
Comparing information and knowledge is like asking whether the fatness
of a pig is more or less green than the designated hitter rule."
		-- David Guaspari
%
Dear Freshman,
	You don't know who I am and frankly shouldn't care, but
unknown to you we have something in common.  We are both rather
prone to mistakes.  I was elected Student Government President by
mistake, and you came to school here by mistake.
%
Dear Miss Manners:
	My home economics teacher says that one must never place one's
elbows on the table.  However, I have read that one elbow, in between
courses, is all right.  Which is correct?

Gentle Reader:
	For the purpose of answering examinations in your home economics
class, your teacher is correct.  Catching on to this principle of
education may be of even greater importance to you now than learning
correct current table manners, vital as Miss Manners believes that is.
%
Department chairmen never die, they just lose their faculties.
%
Did you know the University of Iowa closed down after someone stole the book?
%
Do not clog intellect's sluices with bits of knowledge of questionable uses.
%
Do you know the difference between education and experience?  Education
is what you get when you read the fine print; experience is what you get
when you don't.
		-- Pete Seeger
%
Do you think that illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
%
Education and religion are two things not regulated by supply and
demand.  The less of either the people have, the less they want.
		-- Charlotte Observer, 1897
%
Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to
time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught.
		-- Oscar Wilde, "The Critic as Artist"
%
Education is learning what you didn't even know you didn't know.
		-- Daniel J. Boorstin
%
Education is the process of casting false pearls before real swine.
		-- Irwin Edman
%
Education is what survives when t cruieform "w" spelling, so that "which" and "one" would take the
same konsonant, wile Year 3 might well abolish "y" replasing it with
"i" and Iear 4 might fiks the "g/j" anomali wonse and for all.
	Jenerally, then, the improvement would kontinue iear bai iear
with Iear 5 doing awai with useless double konsonants, and Iears 6-12
or so modifaiing vowlz and the rimeining voist and unvoist konsonants.
Bai Iear 15 or sou, it wud fainali bi posibl tu meik ius ov thi
ridandant letez "c", "y" and "x" -- bai now jast a memori in the maindz
ov ould doderez -- tu riplais "ch", "sh", and "th" rispektivli.
	Fainali, xen, aafte sam 20 iers ov orxogrefkl riform, wi wud
hev a lojikl, kohirnt speling in ius xrewawt xe Ingliy-spiking werld.
%
A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
%
	A reader reports that when the patient died, the attending doctor
recorded the following on the patient's chart:  "Patient failed to fulfill
his wellness potential."
	Another doctor reports that in a recent issue of the *American Journal
of Family Practice* fleas were called "hematophagous arthropod vectors."
	A reader reports that the Army calls them "vertically deployed anti-
personnel devices."  You probably call them bombs.
	At McClellan Air Force base in Sacramento, California, civilian
mechanics were placed on "non-duty, non-pay status."  That is, they were fired.
	After taking the trip of a lifetime, our reader sent his twelve rolls
of film to Kodak for developing (or "processing," as Kodak likes to call it)
only to receive the following notice:  "We must report that during the handling
of your twelve 35mm Kodachrome slide orders, the films were involved in an
unusual laboratory experience."  The use of the passive is a particularly nice
touch, don't you think?  Nobody did anything to the films; they just had a bad
experience.  Of course our reader can always go back to Tibet and take his 
pictures all over again, using the twelve replacement rolls Kodak so generously
sent him.
		-- Quarterly Review of Doublespeak (NCTE)
%
A student who changes the course of history is probably taking an exam.
%
A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the word you first
thought of.
		-- Burt Bacharach
%
A tautology is a thing which is tautological.
%
A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest
in students.
		-- John Ciardi
%
"A University without students is like an ointment without a fly."
	-- Ed Nather, professor of astronomy at UT Austin
%
About all some men accomplish in life is to send a son to Harvard.
%
Abstract:
	This study examined the incidence of neckwear tightness among a group
of 94 white-collar working men and the effect of a tight business-shirt collar
and tie on the visual performance of 22 male subjects.  Of the white-collar
men measured, 67% were found to be wearing neckwear that was tighter than
their neck circumference.  The visual discrimination of the 22 subjects was
evaluated using a critical flicker frequency (CFF) test.  Results of the CFF
test indicated that tight neckwear significantly decreased the visual
performance of the subjects and that visual performance did not improve
immediately when tight neckwear was removed.
		-- Langan, L.M. and Watkins, S.M. "Pressure of Menswear on the
		   Neck in Relation to Visual Performance."  Human Factors 29,
		   #1 (Feb. 1987), pp. 67-71.
%
Academic politics is the most vicious and bitter form of politics,
because the stakes are so low.
		-- Wallace Sayre
%
Academicians care, that's who.
%
=============== ALL FRESHMEN PLEASE NOTE ===============

To minimize scheduling confusion, please realize that if you are taking one
course which is offered at only one time on a given day, and another which is
offered at all times on that day, the second class will be arranged as to 
afford maximum inconvenience to the student.  For example, if you happen
to work on campus, you will have 1-2 hours between classes.  If you commute,
there will be a minimum of 6 hours between the two classes.
%
An investment in knowledge always pays the best interest.
		-- Benjamin Franklin
%
Any two philosophers can tell each other all they know in two hours.
		-- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
%
As Gen. de Gaulle occassionally acknowledges America to be the daughter
of Europe, so I am pleased to come to Yale, the daughter of Harvard.
		-- J.F. Kennedy
%
As long as the answer is right, who cares if the question is wrong?
%
Briefly stated, the findings are that when presented with an array of
data or a sequence of events in which they are instructed to discover
an underlying order, subjects show strong tendencies to perceive order
and causality in random arrays, to perceive a pattern or correlation
which seems a priori intuitively correct even when the actual correlation
in the data is counterintuitive, to jump to conclusions about the correct
hypothesis, to seek and to use only positive or confirmatory evidence, to
construe evidence liberally as confirmatory, to fail to generate or to
assess alternative hypotheses, and having thus managed to expose themselves
only to confirmatory instances, to be fallaciously confident of the validity
of their judgments (Jahoda, 1969; Einhorn and Hogarth, 1978).  In the
analyzing of past events, these tendencies are exacerbated by failure to
appreciate the pitfalls of post hoc analyses.
		-- A. Benjamin
%
British education is probably the best in the world, if you can survive
it.  If you can't there is nothing left for you but the diplomatic corps.
		-- Peter Ustinov
%
... But if we laugh with derision, we will never understand.  Human
intellectual capacity has not altered for thousands of years so far as
we can tell.  If intelligent people invested intense energy in issues
that now seem foolish to us, then the failure lies in our understanding
of their world, not in their distorted perceptions.  Even the standard
example of ancient nonsense -- the debate about angels on pinheads --
makes sense once you realize that theologians were not discussing
whether five or eighteen would fit, but whether a pin could house a
finite or an infinite number.
		-- S. J. Gould, "Wide Hats and Narrow Minds"
%
Campus sidewalks never exist as the straightest line between two points.
		-- M. M. Johnston
%
Comparing information and knowledge is like asking whether the fatness
of a pig is more or less green than the designated hitter rule."
		-- David Guaspari
%
Dear Freshman,
	You don't know who I am and frankly shouldn't care, but
unknown to you we have something in common.  We are both rather
prone to mistakes.  I was elected Student Government President by
mistake, and you came to school here by mistake.
%
Dear Miss Manners:
	My home economics teacher says that one must never place one's
elbows on the table.  However, I have read that one elbow, in between
courses, is all right.  Which is correct?

Gentle Reader:
	For the purpose of answering examinations in your home economics
class, your teacher is correct.  Catching on to this principle of
education may be of even greater importance to you now than learning
correct current table manners, vital as Miss Manners believes that is.
%
Department chairmen never die, they just lose their faculties.
%
Did you know the University of Iowa closed down after someone stole the book?
%
Do not clog intellect's sluices with bits of knowledge of questionable uses.
%
Do you know the difference between education and experience?  Education
is what you get when you read the fine print; experience is what you get
when you don't.
		-- Pete Seeger
%
Do you think that illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
%
Education and religion are two things not regulated by supply and
demand.  The less of either the people have, the less they want.
		-- Charlotte Observer, 1897
%
Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to
time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught.
		-- Oscar Wilde, "The Critic as Artist"
%
Education is learning what you didn't even know you didn't know.
		-- Daniel J. Boorstin
%
Education is the process of casting false pearls before real swine.
		-- Irwin Edman
%
Education is what survives when t cruieform "w" spelling, so that "which" and "one" would take the
same konsonant, wile Year 3 might well abolish "y" replasing it with
"i" and Iear 4 might fiks the "g/j" anomali wonse and for all.
	Jenerally, then, the improvement would kontinue iear bai iear
with Iear 5 doing awai with useless double konsonants, and Iears 6-12
or so modifaiing vowlz and the rimeining voist and unvoist konsonants.
Bai Iear 15 or sou, it wud fainali bi posibl tu meik ius ov thi
ridandant letez "c", "y" and "x" -- bai now jast a memori in the maindz
ov ould doderez -- tu riplais "ch", "sh", and "th" rispektivli.
	Fainali, xen, aafte sam 20 iers ov orxogrefkl riform, wi wud
hev a lojikl, kohirnt speling in ius xrewawt xe Ingliy-spiking werld.
%
A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
%
	A reader reports that when the patient died, the attending doctor
recorded the following on the patient's chart:  "Patient failed to fulfill
his wellness potential."
	Another doctor reports that in a recent issue of the *American Journal
of Family Practice* fleas were called "hematophagous arthropod vectors."
	A reader reports that the Army calls them "vertically deployed anti-
personnel devices."  You probably call them bombs.
	At McClellan Air Force base in Sacramento, California, civilian
mechanics were placed on "non-duty, non-pay status."  That is, they were fired.
	After taking the trip of a lifetime, our reader sent his twelve rolls
of film to Kodak for developing (or "processing," as Kodak likes to call it)
only to receive the following notice:  "We must report that during the handling
of your twelve 35mm Kodachrome slide orders, the films were involved in an
unusual laboratory experience."  The use of the passive is a particularly nice
touch, don't you think?  Nobody did anything to the films; they just had a bad
experience.  Of course our reader can always go back to Tibet and take his 
pictures all over again, using the twelve replacement rolls Kodak so generously
sent him.
		-- Quarterly Review of Doublespeak (NCTE)
%
A student who changes the course of history is probably taking an exam.
%
A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the word you first
thought of.
		-- Burt Bacharach
%
A tautology is a thing which is tautological.
%
A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest
in students.
		-- John Ciardi
%
"A University without students is like an ointment without a fly."
	-- Ed Nather, professor of astronomy at UT Austin
%
About all some men accomplish in life is to send a son to Harvard.
%
Abstract:
	This study examined the incidence of neckwear tightness among a group
of 94 white-collar working men and the effect of a tight business-shirt collar
and tie on the visual performance of 22 male subjects.  Of the white-collar
men measured, 67% were found to be wearing neckwear that was tighter than
their neck circumference.  The visual discrimination of the 22 subjects was
evaluated using a critical flicker frequency (CFF) test.  Results of the CFF
test indicated that tight neckwear significantly decreased the visual
performance of the subjects and that visual performance did not improve
immediately when tight neckwear was removed.
		-- Langan, L.M. and Watkins, S.M. "Pressure of Menswear on the
		   Neck in Relation to Visual Performance."  Human Factors 29,
		   #1 (Feb. 1987), pp. 67-71.
%
Academic politics is the most vicious and bitter form of politics,
because the stakes are so low.
		-- Wallace Sayre
%
Academicians care, that's who.
%
=============== ALL FRESHMEN PLEASE NOTE ===============

To minimize scheduling confusion, please realize that if you are taking one
course which is offered at only one time on a given day, and another which is
offered at all times on that day, the second class will be arranged as to 
afford maximum inconvenience to the student.  For example, if you happen
to work on campus, you will have 1-2 hours between classes.  If you commute,
there will be a minimum of 6 hours between the two classes.
%
An investment in knowledge always pays the best interest.
		-- Benjamin Franklin
%
Any two philosophers can tell each other all they know in two hours.
		-- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
%
As Gen. de Gaulle occassionally acknowledges America to be the daughter
of Europe, so I am pleased to come to Yale, the daughter of Harvard.
		-- J.F. Kennedy
%
As long as the answer is right, who cares if the question is wrong?
%
Briefly stated, the findings are that when presented with an array of
data or a sequence of events in which they are instructed to discover
an underlying order, subjects show strong tendencies to perceive order
and causality in random arrays, to perceive a pattern or correlation
which seems a priori intuitively correct even when the actual correlation
in the data is counterintuitive, to jump to conclusions about the correct
hypothesis, to seek and to use only positive or confirmatory evidence, to
construe evidence liberally as confirmatory, to fail to generate or to
assess alternative hypotheses, and having thus managed to expose themselves
only to confirmatory instances, to be fallaciously confident of the validity
of their judgments (Jahoda, 1969; Einhorn and Hogarth, 1978).  In the
analyzing of past events, these tendencies are exacerbated by failure to
appreciate the pitfalls of post hoc analyses.
		-- A. Benjamin
%
British education is probably the best in the world, if you can survive
it.  If you can't there is nothing left for you but the diplomatic corps.
		-- Peter Ustinov
%
... But if we laugh with derision, we will never understand.  Human
intellectual capacity has not altered for thousands of years so far as
we can tell.  If intelligent people invested intense energy in issues
that now seem foolish to us, then the failure lies in our understanding
of their world, not in their distorted perceptions.  Even the standard
example of ancient nonsense -- the debate about angels on pinheads --
makes sense once you realize that theologians were not discussing
whether five or eighteen would fit, but whether a pin could house a
finite or an infinite number.
		-- S. J. Gould, "Wide Hats and Narrow Minds"
%
Campus sidewalks never exist as the straightest line between two points.
		-- M. M. Johnston
%
Comparing information and knowledge is like asking whether the fatness
of a pig is more or less green than the designated hitter rule."
		-- David Guaspari
%
Dear Freshman,
	You don't know who I am and frankly shouldn't care, but
unknown to you we have something in common.  We are both rather
prone to mistakes.  I was elected Student Government President by
mistake, and you came to school here by mistake.
%
Dear Miss Manners:
	My home economics teacher says that one must never place one's
elbows on the table.  However, I have read that one elbow, in between
courses, is all right.  Which is correct?

Gentle Reader:
	For the purpose of answering examinations in your home economics
class, your teacher is correct.  Catching on to this principle of
education may be of even greater importance to you now than learning
correct current table manners, vital as Miss Manners believes that is.
%
Department chairmen never die, they just lose their faculties.
%
Did you know the University of Iowa closed down after someone stole the book?
%
Do not clog intellect's sluices with bits of knowledge of questionable uses.
%
Do you know the difference between education and experience?  Education
is what you get when you read the fine print; experience is what you get
when you don't.
		-- Pete Seeger
%
Do you think that illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
%
Education and religion are two things not regulated by supply and
demand.  The less of either the people have, the less they want.
		-- Charlotte Observer, 1897
%
Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to
time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught.
		-- Oscar Wilde, "The Critic as Artist"
%
Education is learning what you didn't even know you didn't know.
		-- Daniel J. Boorstin
%
Education is the process of casting false pearls before real swine.
		-- Irwin Edman
%
Education is what survives when t cruieform "w" spelling, so that "which" and "one" would take the
same konsonant, wile Year 3 might well abolish "y" replasing it with
"i" and Iear 4 might fiks the "g/j" anomali wonse and for all.
	Jenerally, then, the improvement would kontinue iear bai iear
with Iear 5 doing awai with useless double konsonants, and Iears 6-12
or so modifaiing vowlz and the rimeining voist and unvoist konsonants.
Bai Iear 15 or sou, it wud fainali bi posibl tu meik ius ov thi
ridandant letez "c", "y" and "x" -- bai now jast a memori in the maindz
ov ould doderez -- tu riplais "ch", "sh", and "th" rispektivli.
	Fainali, xen, aafte sam 20 iers ov orxogrefkl riform, wi wud
hev a lojikl, kohirnt speling in ius xrewawt xe Ingliy-spiking werld.
%
A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
%
	A reader reports that when the patient died, the attending doctor
recorded the following on the patient's chart:  "Patient failed to fulfill
his wellness potential."
	Another doctor reports that in a recent issue of the *American Journal
of Family Practice* fleas were called "hematophagous arthropod vectors."
	A reader reports that the Army calls them "vertically deployed anti-
personnel devices."  You probably call them bombs.
	At McClellan Air Force base in Sacramento, California, civilian
mechanics were placed on "non-duty, non-pay status."  That is, they were fired.
	After taking the trip of a lifetime, our reader sent his twelve rolls
of film to Kodak for developing (or "processing," as Kodak likes to call it)
only to receive the following notice:  "We must report that during the handling
of your twelve 35mm Kodachrome slide orders, the films were involved in an
unusual laboratory experience."  The use of the passive is a particularly nice
touch, don't you think?  Nobody did anything to the films; they just had a bad
experience.  Of course our reader can always go back to Tibet and take his 
pictures all over again, using the twelve replacement rolls Kodak so generously
sent him.
		-- Quarterly Review of Doublespeak (NCTE)
%
A student who changes the course of history is probably taking an exam.
%
A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the word you first
thought of.
		-- Burt Bacharach
%
A tautology is a thing which is tautological.
%
A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest
in students.
		-- John Ciardi
%
"A University without students is like an ointment without a fly."
	-- Ed Nather, professor of astronomy at UT Austin
%
About all some men accomplish in life is to send a son to Harvard.
%
Abstract:
	This study examined the incidence of neckwear tightness among a group
of 94 white-collar working men and the effect of a tight business-shirt collar
and tie on the visual performance of 22 male subjects.  Of the white-collar
men measured, 67% were found to be wearing neckwear that was tighter than
their neck circumference.  The visual discrimination of the 22 subjects was
evaluated using a critical flicker frequency (CFF) test.  Results of the CFF
test indicated that tight neckwear significantly decreased the visual
performance of the subjects and that visual performance did not improve
immediately when tight neckwear was removed.
		-- Langan, L.M. and Watkins, S.M. "Pressure of Menswear on the
		   Neck in Relation to Visual Performance."  Human Factors 29,
		   #1 (Feb. 1987), pp. 67-71.
%
Academic politics is the most vicious and bitter form of politics,
because the stakes are so low.
		-- Wallace Sayre
%
Academicians care, that's who.
%
=========